Capture a Unicorn and ride it to Morhdorh
We all occasionally get an eBay buyer that’s tricky to deal with, sometimes it’s our fault, sometimes it’s their fault, but usually it’s messy. Rare though is the buyer who’s prose is worth publishing, but the pain of one particular buyer today was just too good not to share (And before anyone asks, no we’re not going to reveal either the buyer or the seller!)
[Seller name removed]
You are hurting my soul.
My soul is literally in that much pain that it wants to leave my body, go on a wee trip across the pond and kick your soul’s ass! Your name is known throughout my household for I am forever cursing it and rueing the day etc etc.
I imagine you sitting in your ‘villain swivel chair’ stroking your ‘villain cat’ in your ‘villain lair’ cackling your ‘villain cackle.’
I’m not asking you to capture a Unicorn and ride it to Morhdorh to find the Holy Grail which may or may not help to defeat voldemort. I’m simply asking for an alternate way of communication and payment. See we are conversing through email right now. It’s this amazing thing that has been around for a good few decades now and helps people communicate all over the world.
So before you reveal your dastardly plan and curse those “meddling kids” and before you tell me for the millionth time that the number works, let me tell you one thing. The number you provided me does not work, repeat, does NOT work. Seen as I can’t get through to you and you apparently are only able to write one sentence per email, feel free to call me. My home number is [Phone number removed].
With utmost sincerity,
[Buyer name removed]